DBT TOOL · A LINE, WITH WARMTH

Setting a Boundary

When saying no feels selfish but saying yes is emptying you out - this helps you hold a line with warmth.

Setting a Boundary, defined

Setting a Boundary, defined A boundary is a clear line about what you can and cannot give, said with warmth. It is not a wall or a punishment. It is how you keep giving care without vanishing yourself. Kind and clear at the same time - and no can be a complete sentence.

Never a straight line. Boundaries feel unkind at first - held with warmth, they protect the relationship.

21 DAYS TO REWIRE A THOUGHT.
21 WEEKS TO REWIRE A LIFE.

A boundary is not unkind - running yourself to empty is what finally costs everyone. Name the line. Say it simply and warmly. Hold it without a long defence. If it lands hard, stay warm and keep the line. You can protect yourself and the relationship in the same breath.
⬇ Download this worksheet to send
12345NAMEITSAYITHOLDITREPAIRSTEPBACKwhat you needclear and warmno long defencestay closewhich is it?STARTSTEADIER
DBT TOOL · THE MOVES

The moves

Plain and small. Tap any move to open it.

1 · Name the line

Get clear on the line - what you can give, and what you cannot right now.

2 · Say it kindly

Say it simply, warm and clear. I can help until six. After that I need to rest.

3 · Hold it

Hold the line without a long defence. No is a full sentence. You do not owe a case.

4 · Repair, don't cave

If it lands hard, be warm and still hold the line. Repair the bond without moving the boundary.

5 · Step back and tell the difference

A boundary protects you while keeping the bond; a wall shuts the person out. Step back and check which one you are building. Use the prompts in the record to tell it apart.

See one full pass
NAME IT
I can drive to appointments, but not the night shift too.
SAY IT
'I can do days. Nights I need someone else.'
HOLD IT
When pushed, I said it once more, kindly, without arguing.
REPAIR
'I love you, and this is the line that keeps me able to help.'
DISTRESS
Eased from 7/10 to 4/10.
It felt selfish to say. It was what let me keep helping. That is the rep.
DBT TOOL · YOUR TURN

Walk it through

Fill it in the moment, or just after. It works on paper too - no buttons needed.

My Setting a Boundary
The line I need to hold
Name the line
Say it kindly
Hold it
Repair, don't cave
Step back and tell the difference
Boundary, or wall? Step back

A boundary protects you while keeping the bond; a wall shuts the person out. Step back and check which one you are building.

Distress before/10
Distress after/10
Say it
Your statement builds itself here as you work down the record.
Recover. Rebuild. Renew. · myMove21.com

No printer? Take a screenshot of the card above.

SHARE IT

Make a Shareable Card

This card fills itself in from your record above. Pick a shape, then save the full-size image.

Even love has edges. Guarding your strength is not selfish - it is stewardship of what you have been given. You get still, you hold the line, and you trust God with the rest.

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

Psalm 46:10 · NIV
Why it works

Holding a clear boundary and seeing it respected builds the felt sense that your choices count - read the research.

A general mechanism, not a guarantee. This supports good care; it does not replace it.